Betrayal in marriage, safe guard your future

  • Do strive to #stay married

Lata Jain

You have been abused hurt and left to take care of yourself and your two children. You have no support and suddenly life seems a roller –coaster. You are lost, feel betrayed.

Betrayal happens to everyone at some point in our lives. Betrayal can occur with a spouse, a family member, a best friend or a co-worker. Most people who experience betrayal saw the signs, but continue to give that person the benefit of the doubt. The reality is that people will fail you. Betrayal by the spouse is devastating. We often enter into a relation blindly (infatuated) swept up with passion and an idealized perception of who our partner is

lata jain

Lata Jain

Betrayal is an interpersonal trauma which shatters assumptions about how we view life and the people close to us. Shattered assumptions leave us feeling as though our reality has been blow apart. When we are betrayed our feelings alternate between a sense of numbness and feelings of disbelief. We may also find ourselves behaving erratically and not like our usual selves.

You’ve met the prince charming of your dreams, who makes you feel so special. It feels wonderful to be in love and now you are married hoping that this relationship will last your life time. You convenience your family and fight the religious sentiments. Years have gone by and marriage has been good to you – so you BELIEVE. You’re blessed with two charming sons. You begin to notice some different behaviors from you spouse which at first you ignore. For awhile you begin to wonder if something is going on but you brush it off. After all, the last thing you could ever imagine is that your spouse is having an affair. You don’t even want to go there. You begin to piece some things together and your spouse denies everything until the day comes when your spouse gets caught in all their lies.

For those of us who have experienced situations like this, we know that betrayal runs deep and can be devastating. Trust has been torn apart and the unthinkable has just happened. You life has just been thrown into a tail spin and probably your anxiety is making you feel cheated. You may even want to get back at your spouse for the pain and humiliation you are now going though. Possibly the only thing you can think of is how to get even so your partner will hurt as much as you do. Is it possible to heal from the pain and humiliation of betrayal and adultery? Is it possible to forgive someone who has hurt you so badly? We feel victimized and our lives seem to be out of control. You cannot forget that you have two children and they cannot be victimized for his “irresponsible behavior towards those innocent lives”.

Being in an abusive relationship can be stressful – mentally, physically, and emotionally. If you have decided to leave, are thinking of leaving, or are undecided about what to do, it is very important that you know how to protect yourself legally.

  1. Ensure to pen a dairy making a detail on how he abused and victimized you. This will prove to be useful when you need to show proof of a timeline of the abuse – when the abuse happened, how often it happened, and how your abuser hurt you or exercised control over you. Make sure you put down the dates and times of incidents clearly, also noting who else may have witnessed it.
  2. Keep this dairy at a safe place and share the details with a very close friend or trusted relative.
  3. It is absolutely vital that you have evidence of the abuse such as photographs, screenshots, videos, audio recordings, e-mails and texts.
  4. If he has harmed you physically keep all the medical records in place.
  5. Always keep copies of your evidence somewhere safe where you know your abuser won’t find them

While these are a few legal steps you need to take in case you believe that you have reached a point of no return. Every decision of your should be taken keeping the future of your children in view.

We know that living in an abusive relationship can be exhausting and trying to build a legal case against your abuser can be emotional, scary, and daunting at the same time.

And so it is with intimate relationships. Most of us are totally unprepared for what lies ahead, and ignorant of what is required of us to stay the course. We may think that we know what it takes but the truth is that most of us are clueless. The affair shocks us into reality. It also gives us the opportunity to try again.

If you are the betrayer, you are solely responsible for your deception and need to forgive yourself for the harm you have caused by violating your covenant of trust. You may also need to look at the hurt you have caused your children. By taking responsibility for your actions and making different choices you heal guilt and move forward. Cheating is not a solution to a troubled marriage. you have heard “the grass is greener on the other side” but the truth is, the grass is greener where you water it. It is vital that you nurture your marriage. Invest in the person you committed your life to in the first place.

Erik Erikson, a well known psychologist has said, “A crisis can be a turning point; by making you vulnerable it can heighten your potential for positive change. Sometimes it takes the threat of losing something to make you realize its value.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.